Things are just going downhill. the only good thing in my life right now is Ty.. He's the only thing keeping me sane.. He's my world, i dont know how i would live without him.
With my sister not living here anymore (she tried to kill my mom), things have been alot less stressful. Well, now shes making things up and making my life horrible from over 30 miles away.
I had some guys on Tuesday sit there and comment on how if they were as fat as i was, they'd kill themselves... I'm so freakin done... I'm tired of being told i'm fat... I'm so tired of being FAT!!!!!!!!! Its driving me crazy!!! I'm fighting every day to stay sane, to keep going, to keep eating... But I'm just done. I am done eating. I'm done thinking, I'm done being fat. As of tomorrow, i'm starting a new diet. I wont freakin eat. I will allow myself one meal a day. then i'll slowly drop it down to one snack, then one small munchie, then nothing. then work my up to one meal, then go down the scale again. These pounds will be gone, Ana will be happy, and noone will call me fat ever again. I want to be able to walk down that hall and hear people say, Damn, shes lost alot of weight. I want to be able to not have to say, "please dont pick me up, im too heavy." i want people to pick me up and say man ur as light as a feather. I want to Feel BEAUTIFUL!!
This has been me ranting after a horrible day.. Sorry this entry is fairly depressing, but its reality.
Stay strong,
XOXO
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